“I Want to Try It, But…”
If you’ve ever thought about attending a nudist event but held yourself back because you don’t feel ready—you’re not alone. I’ve heard from so many people who are curious, intrigued, even excited, but something stops them.
We live in a world that constantly tells us who gets to feel desirable, confident, and worthy. These messages—repeated so often they start to feel like facts—place certain bodies at the top and tell everyone else to shrink, hide, or apologize for existing.
Height. Penis size. Age. These are just a few of the countless traits that get stacked into an invisible hierarchy. The unspoken rule? If you don’t measure up, you should feel ashamed. You should settle for less. You should make yourself smaller—both physically and emotionally.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to accept that premise.
The Lies We’re Told About Our Bodies
From the moment we’re born, traits we have no control over are assigned value. How tall we are, the size of our penis, and the number of years we’ve lived become markers of desirability and status. They’re treated as if they define who gets to be confident, who gets to be desired, and who should feel ashamed.
If you don’t fit the mold, the expectation is clear. Be ashamed of it. Avoid situations where it might be noticed. Try to compensate for it in other ways. And for some, resignation sets in—feeling like nothing will ever change, so why even try?
But step back for a moment—who decided this? No one chooses their height. No one picks their genetics. Aging is inevitable. Yet, we’re told to treat these things like personal successes or failures, as if they reflect anything about our worth.
These hierarchies aren’t just unfair; they’re designed to keep people in a constant state of insecurity. And like all systems built on arbitrary rules, they only hold power if we let them.
The truth is, you don’t need to measure up to anything. You never did.
Rewriting the Rules: You’ve Done This Before
If you’re queer, you’ve already done the impossible before. You rejected the idea that love and sex should only look one way. You stepped outside of an expectation so deeply ingrained it shaped laws, families, and entire cultures.
It wasn’t easy, and unlearning “same sex attraction is bad” is probably still ongoing—but you did it. You recognized that the rules weren’t built for you, and you refused to let them define your life.
So why let another set of rules hold you back now? The world has tried to tell you that your body needs to meet a certain standard before you can fully participate, before you can feel desirable, before you can be seen.
But just like before, you have the power to reject that.
Question the Message, Not Yourself
The same skill set applies here. Just as you had to unlearn the false messages having same-sex attraction was wrong, you can unlearn the false messages about how you’re allowed to exist in your body.
Although it’s a very individual process, here are some basic steps:
- Question the rule. Where did this belief come from? Who benefits from me believing it?
- Challenge its validity. Is this actually true, or has it just been repeated so often that it feels true? Have I ever seen counterexamples?
- Choose a new standard. If I weren’t influenced by these expectations, how would I define my own worth? What would confidence look like on my terms?
- Make a plan. What’s one action I can take to live by my own standard instead of the one I was given? How can I remind myself of this when old doubts creep in?
If an idea about your body is keeping you from experiences you want—whether it’s being seen, feeling desired, or showing up without hesitation—this is how you start taking that power back.
These expectations weren’t made for you. You don’t have to live by them.
You Deserve to Take Up Space
You’ve already proven you can reject false narratives. This is just another one waiting to be dismantled. You don’t need permission to live fully in your body, just as you didn’t need permission to embrace your identity. The rules you were given? They were never built for you.
So let them go.
You belong exactly as you are.
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