“How do I feel better naked?” This question surfaced repeatedly in our feedback polls last year. In response, I’m expanding our Body Neutrality series with tools and practical exercises designed to foster self-acceptance.
Before thinking about our imperfections, indulge me in a [questionable] analogy. Imagine you’re at a buffet with only a limited time to enjoy your favorite foods. Instead of feasting, you critique the radish for not being as red as last time or the chocolate mousse for losing its shape. Soon, time runs out, and you haven’t really enjoyed anything.
Often, this is how we treat our bodies, focusing on perceived flaws rather than appreciating all our bodies enable us to do. To help us all create a new relationship with our bodies, I’m creating the Naked Confidence series. Today, I’m kicking it off by sharing an exercise that helps us accept the things about our physical presence we can’t change.
[Note: I’m not a psychologist. I’m sharing what has been working for me. Results may vary.]
The Role of Body Neutrality
I’m as guilty as anyone of dwelling on unchangeable parts of my bodyโI can’t see for shit, I’m not a candidate for LASIK, and I hate it. I wish my dick were bigger. I want my ass to look like it did 10 years ago. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Knowing these things will likely never change, I wanted to find a way to minimize the amount of time I thought about them. I turned to body neutrality to overcome my self-criticism. This approach shifts our focus from striving to love every inch of ourselves to not basing our self-worth on our physical appearance.ย Body neutrality helps us move past self-criticism and frees up space to enrich our lives.
The Impact of Fixation
Before getting to the exercise, I want to discuss the impact of fixation. Understanding the effects of our fixation on unchangeable aspects of our bodies is crucial for embracing body neutrality. These fixations can drain our mental resources significantlyโresources that could otherwise be used for activities that bring joy or fulfillment.
When we spend excessive time fixated on things we cannot changeโlike certain physical featuresโit’s like wasting battery power on unchangeable details. We’re left with less energy for activities we actually enjoy. The concept of “opportunity cost” is vital here. Every minute you spend hosting a pity party about your [insert unchangeable feature] is a minute not spent enjoying your favorite hobby, engaging with loved ones, or discovering a new talent.
Moreover, acknowledging the reality of our perceptions is essential. For instance, if I weren’t stuck in glasses, I’d be able to see as soon as I wake up without assistance. I could buy fun, cheap sunglasses that don’t require a prescription. Whether these perceptions are accurate is pretty irrelevantโno amount of fixation will change the way my eyes work. Sometimes life just isn’t fair.
However, dwelling on these “what ifs” only reinforces the dissatisfaction cycle. The psychological effects of such negative self-focus are significant, including increased stress and anxiety, which can undermine our well-being.
Constant negativity about our bodies is like having a background app that drains our phone’s battery and slows everything down. Recognizing these impacts is the first step in breaking the cycle. Let’s start redirecting our focus from what we can’t change to what we can actively enjoy and influence, creating more space for happiness and less room for needless worry.
The Exercise: Naming, Acknowledging, and Moving On
In the spirit of body neutrality, let’s engage in a simple exercise that can profoundly affect how we view ourselves. It’s about recognizing our thoughts, accepting them, and letting them go. Here’s how you can participate:
Step 1: Name It
This should be pretty easy. Whatever you don’t like about your body, create a brief name for it, trying to be as nonjudgmental as possible. For example, instead of “bad eyes,” use “eye function.” Remember, this isn’t about judgment but about honesty and awareness.
Step 2: Acknowledge It
As these thoughts pop up in your day-to-day lifeโbecause they willโpractice acknowledging them without emotion. Use the name you created and whatever phrase you want to use to note the thought. I use something like “Yup. Eye Function.” Again, how we talk to ourselves is essential, so try to use nonjudgemental language.
Step 3: Move On From It
Once you’ve acknowledged the thought, remind yourself that you cannot change this aspect of your bodyโand that’s perfectly okay. I try to spend as little time as possible on these thoughts, so I keep it brief: “Can’t change it. Move on.” I recognize that I have already considered this and reached a conclusion. Now, I’m redirecting my thoughts. So, the whole phrase is “Yup. Eye Function. Can’t change it. Move on.”
Remember, these are practiced criticisms, so don’t expect to catch them every time. Regularly practicing these steps will help weaken the hold that these persistent, unhelpful thoughts have over you.
4 Effective Tips for Redirecting Critical Thoughts About Your Body
There are multiple ways we can redirect our thoughts. Depending on the situation, some may make more sense, so I am giving options! As with anything, the more you practice these techniques, the easier and less time-consuming they become.
1. Engage in Activity-Based Distraction
- What To Do: Choose an activity that requires focus and engagement, which can shift your attention away from negative thoughts about your body. These thoughts come from comparison while I’m doing something else.
- Examples: Let’s say you’re masturbating and watching porn, and you catch yourself comparing your anatomy to the actors. Once you acknowledge the thought, moving on means returning to jacking off. If you compare your body to someone else’s at the gym, acknowledge the thought and return to working out. If you have an intrusive thought when you catch a look at yourself in the mirror before the shower, go back to showering.
- How It Helps:ย Activity-based distraction is effective because it redirects your cognitive resources from negative rumination to the taskย at hand.ย This breaks the cycle of negative thinking and enhances feelings of accomplishment and self-efficacy. As you immerse yourself in the activity, your mind has less space to accommodate self-critical thoughts, helping you build a more neutral and present-focused state of mind.
2. Use Neutral Self-Talk
- What To Do: Neutral self-talk involves using factual, non-judgmental language to describe thoughts and feelings without imbuing them with positive or negative emotional judgments. For this exercise, develop and use neutral self-talk to objectively address thoughts about your body.
- Example:ย When a critical thought arises, respond with neutral self-talk such as, “This thought about my body is based on societal standards, which are not always realistic or healthy.”
- How It Helps: Neutral self-talk helps maintain a balanced emotional state and encourages a realistic view of oneself. Regularly practicing this method can manage your thoughts more effectively, reducing the impact of negativity and excessive positivity and fostering a stable sense of self-worth.
3. Practice Visualization
- What To Do: Imagine each negative thought about your body as temporary and movable.
- Example: Transform your thought into a leaf. Close your eyes and visualize a small, gently flowing stream. Picture yourself placing a leaf representing your negative thoughts into the stream. Watch as it floats away, drifting out of sight.
- How It Helps: This visualization technique symbolically releases the hold of negative thoughts. By watching them drift away, you encourage your mind to let go of unhelpful fixations and ease the emotional weight they carry.
4. Incorporate Mindfulness Techniques
- What To Do: Engage in mindfulness exercises that focus on the present moment.
- Example: Practice focused breathing by taking slow, deep breaths, concentrating on the sensation of air filling your lungs and then slowly exhaling. Alternatively, engage in a sensory activity like touching the texture of a fabric or listening to the subtle sounds in your environment.
- How It Helps: Mindfulness helps reduce stress and anxiety by pulling your focus away from distressing thoughts and anchoring you in the here and now. This can diminish the prevalence of negative thoughts and increase your overall mental tranquility.
Integrating these strategies into your daily routine can change how you interact with your thoughts. Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of negativity, you’ll learn to move past them gracefully, allowing you to focus more on enjoying life and less on the aspects of your body that you cannot change.
Closing Thoughts
As we conclude today’s exploration of body neutrality, let’s remind ourselves of the simple truths we’ve uncovered. Body neutrality isn’t about suppressing your feelings toward your body; it’s about accepting them without letting them dominate your life. By engaging in exercises like Naming, Acknowledging, and Moving On, we dismantle the undue influence of physical self-critique on our overall happiness.
This tool helps us recognize and release these persistent criticisms and redirect our energies toward things that enhance our well-being. Whether through visualization, affirmations, or mindfulness, each strategy offers a pathway to greater peace and presence.
These tools are not just about coping but thrivingโthey’re about reclaiming the mental space that deserves to be filled with life’s true joys and our most meaningful pursuits. Remembering my shitty analogy from earlier, the buffet of life is rich and varied. Instead of fixating on the radish that isn’t red enough, let’s savor the whole spread.
We hope you continue this conversation with us. Please share your experiences with these exercisesโboth your triumphs and your challenges. We’re working on these things as a community, creating a more accepting and joyful world together.
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